One Year

I have dreaded this post, but I know it needs to be wrote. It is very emotional for me. Aug 13, 2010 was the day we found out the diagnosis the doctor had for Chris. The worst day of our lives. The doctor was suppose to call days before when he had the test results, and he didn’t. So I called him that morning. When the receptionist answered and I told her who I was, she froze and asked me to hold. The doctor came on and told me, motor neuron disease. He spelled it out for me and then he said to Google it, then he hung up. So I got on the computer and looked it up. Chris was diagnosed with ALS also known as Lou Gheriks, a terminal disease. Chris was on his way home from work at the time. When he walked in the door I was already a basket case. It was a terrible terrible day.
In a year our lives have changed so dramatically. Chris physical health has diminished so rapidly it seems. He can no longer take care of his self or be left alone for more than an hour. He is completely wheelchair bound. I have to pull him in and out of bed every morning and every night, as well as help with all bodily needs. I was looking at pictures last night, and the weight loss is staggering. Chris was so strong and athletic. I often referred to him as a “health nut.” People that have not seen him in a while, can’t believe the changes in his body. We have even had people take off crying after seeing him. That’s really hard on us.
His loss of speech is what hurts us the most. It is so hard for us to communicate. He has his white board that he can use his left hand some to write on. a lot of times when he try’s to tell me something we both wind up getting frustrated and just give up. I miss talking with my best friend so much.

It is hard on the kids to not have a dad they can play with or talk with anymore. He was such a playful parent and they miss that. Now they have to help their daddy get his shoes on, get his wheel chair loaded and unloaded, wipe his mouth and fetch him this and that, among other things. They both do so good. Especially Brittany, she is such a HUGE help. We thank God for her everyday!!
I get so angry at times at friends and family who don’t come around to see him, or when they do come around they ignore him. I know its hard to see him in this shape, but he is still the same Chris. We have lost so many people that we use to be close to because it bothers them or they are to busy to come visit. But do we blame them, no. It just hurts sometimes and we miss them. If you do see us, please know, Chris mind is FINE!! Don’t ignore him. Talk to him. Include him, look at him. Trust me, he doesn’t miss anything. Praise God, we have others that we have grown closer to and new friends that we have made. Some of the people who we thought would always be around for us left and others that we would not have expected to, our some of our greatest support.
As the caregiver I get wore out. I am rising two kids, running a household and taking care of an disabled adult. I don’t get much help. And to be fair I don’t really ask for help. People that are close to us should know what we need. I don’t feel like I should have to ask. Volunteer. Cook a meal. Chris is use to me and its easiest on him if I am here. Its hard. Its mentally and physically exhausting. But it’s the most rewarding thing I have ever done. I love Chris, Brittany and Braxton as much as humanly possible. It is for them and by the Grace of Jesus I keep going, with JOY in my heart!
I get asked EVERYDAY by people. How are ya’ll. Some want to hear how bad we have it. We both will tell you, we’re doing good. And we are. How? You may ask? With all I just told you. Jesus Christ is our rock!! This last year may have been the worst physically of our lives, but it has been the BEST spiritually. We have grown so much closer to Our God and Our Savior than we could ever imagined before. He has provided everything for us. We use to look to family or each other to take care of us if we needed something. We knew we had family that would help us out of a bind if we needed it. Now Our Lord has taught us, look only to Him. He will provide for ALL our needs!! And He does!!
He continues amazes me! Just today I got a letter in the mail saying we were going to get a check for $398 for us being overcharged for something almost two years ago. How does that happen? God! His timing may not always line up with mine, but it always works out perfectly.
God has even sent us friends who really believe with us. There really are some of us who absolutely believe in healing. We needed people to believe with us. And God has introduced us to lots of people who do. You can read my previous blog post that gives a fuller description of what we are believing Our God for. And we have full faith that He has given Chris earthly healing, we are just waiting on the manifestation! We are not praying for healing anymore we are praising Him for it!! What a testimony to God’s glory and power that Chris and I are going to get to share!!! We are NOT planning a funeral, we are planning a ministry!!!
John 14:9-219 Jesus answered: “Don’t you know me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? 10 Don’t you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me? The words I say to you I do not speak on my own authority. Rather, it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work. 11 Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on the evidence of the works themselves. 12 Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. 13 And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. 14 You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.
Jesus Promises the Holy Spirit15 “If you love me, keep my commands. 16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— 17 the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. 18 I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. 19 Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. 20 On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. 21 Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them.”
This last year has been hard, no doubt. But it has also been a blessing. We have gotten to know Our Lord in a way that few do. We would not trade that for anything.

May God Bless you and yours!
Love, Autumn & Chris Fagan
(P.S. our address is 138 Pine Street Amity, AR 71921 Chris likes getting cards :)