I have dreaded this post, but I know it needs to be wrote. It is very emotional for me. Aug 13, 2010 was the day we found out the diagnosis the doctor had for Chris. The worst day of our lives. The doctor was suppose to call days before when he had the test results, and he didn’t. So I called him that morning. When the receptionist answered and I told her who I was, she froze and asked me to hold. The doctor came on and told me, motor neuron disease. He spelled it out for me and then he said to Google it, then he hung up. So I got on the computer and looked it up. Chris was diagnosed with ALS also known as Lou Gheriks, a terminal disease. Chris was on his way home from work at the time. When he walked in the door I was already a basket case. It was a terrible terrible day.
In a year our lives have changed so dramatically. Chris physical health has diminished so rapidly it seems. He can no longer take care of his self or be left alone for more than an hour. He is completely wheelchair bound. I have to pull him in and out of bed every morning and every night, as well as help with all bodily needs. I was looking at pictures last night, and the weight loss is staggering. Chris was so strong and athletic. I often referred to him as a “health nut.” People that have not seen him in a while, can’t believe the changes in his body. We have even had people take off crying after seeing him. That’s really hard on us.
His loss of speech is what hurts us the most. It is so hard for us to communicate. He has his white board that he can use his left hand some to write on. a lot of times when he try’s to tell me something we both wind up getting frustrated and just give up. I miss talking with my best friend so much.
It is hard on the kids to not have a dad they can play with or talk with anymore. He was such a playful parent and they miss that. Now they have to help their daddy get his shoes on, get his wheel chair loaded and unloaded, wipe his mouth and fetch him this and that, among other things. They both do so good. Especially Brittany, she is such a HUGE help. We thank God for her everyday!!
I get so angry at times at friends and family who don’t come around to see him, or when they do come around they ignore him. I know its hard to see him in this shape, but he is still the same Chris. We have lost so many people that we use to be close to because it bothers them or they are to busy to come visit. But do we blame them, no. It just hurts sometimes and we miss them. If you do see us, please know, Chris mind is FINE!! Don’t ignore him. Talk to him. Include him, look at him. Trust me, he doesn’t miss anything. Praise God, we have others that we have grown closer to and new friends that we have made. Some of the people who we thought would always be around for us left and others that we would not have expected to, our some of our greatest support.
As the caregiver I get wore out. I am rising two kids, running a household and taking care of an disabled adult. I don’t get much help. And to be fair I don’t really ask for help. People that are close to us should know what we need. I don’t feel like I should have to ask. Volunteer. Cook a meal. Chris is use to me and its easiest on him if I am here. Its hard. Its mentally and physically exhausting. But it’s the most rewarding thing I have ever done. I love Chris, Brittany and Braxton as much as humanly possible. It is for them and by the Grace of Jesus I keep going, with JOY in my heart!
I get asked EVERYDAY by people. How are ya’ll. Some want to hear how bad we have it. We both will tell you, we’re doing good. And we are. How? You may ask? With all I just told you. Jesus Christ is our rock!! This last year may have been the worst physically of our lives, but it has been the BEST spiritually. We have grown so much closer to Our God and Our Savior than we could ever imagined before. He has provided everything for us. We use to look to family or each other to take care of us if we needed something. We knew we had family that would help us out of a bind if we needed it. Now Our Lord has taught us, look only to Him. He will provide for ALL our needs!! And He does!!
He continues amazes me! Just today I got a letter in the mail saying we were going to get a check for $398 for us being overcharged for something almost two years ago. How does that happen? God! His timing may not always line up with mine, but it always works out perfectly.
God has even sent us friends who really believe with us. There really are some of us who absolutely believe in healing. We needed people to believe with us. And God has introduced us to lots of people who do. You can read my previous blog post that gives a fuller description of what we are believing Our God for. And we have full faith that He has given Chris earthly healing, we are just waiting on the manifestation! We are not praying for healing anymore we are praising Him for it!! What a testimony to God’s glory and power that Chris and I are going to get to share!!! We are NOT planning a funeral, we are planning a ministry!!!
John 14:9-219 Jesus answered: “Don’t you know me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? 10 Don’t you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me? The words I say to you I do not speak on my own authority. Rather, it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work. 11 Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on the evidence of the works themselves. 12 Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. 13 And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. 14 You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.
Jesus Promises the Holy Spirit15 “If you love me, keep my commands. 16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— 17 the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. 18 I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. 19 Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. 20 On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. 21 Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them.”
This last year has been hard, no doubt. But it has also been a blessing. We have gotten to know Our Lord in a way that few do. We would not trade that for anything.
May God Bless you and yours!
Love, Autumn & Chris Fagan
(P.S. our address is 138 Pine Street Amity, AR 71921 Chris likes getting cards :)
So today has been a rough day. The worst we’ve had in a long time. Its been an emotional & physically painful day. Chris felt really bad. Seeing him like he was today is really hard. I wish there was more I could do. Its heart wrenching. Sometimes I don’t know if I can take it another minute, but I do. Today I held my hands up and cried out, Help Me Jesus! And guess what, HE did! Like he always does!!!! Chris is felling much better now!! And we are believing the Lord that today is the worst day we will ever have. No more days like today.
My last few post on this blog have been about trips and family things. I feel it is important to reemphasis what is getting us through. Our Faith in JESUS Christ!! We absolutely believe that Chris is healed. But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
and by his wounds we are healed. Isaiah 53:5 We have some scriptures we are standing on. Behold, I will bring it health and cure, and I will cure them, and will reveal unto them the abundance of peace and truth. Jeremiah 33:6 Of course we see what it looks like. Chris’ physical health is deteriorating everyday. We know there is not cure for ALS in the natural world. But we know and have FAITH in our GOD who has healed people with ALS before (& countless other incurable diseases for that matter!) Our God answers prayers!! Faith pleases Him!!
We know there are many who don’t believe that Chris is healed and they think we are a little off. But, that’s ok with us. We are fighting with the sword of Gods Word and the Shield of Faith!! We choose to believe God’s Word and we are walking in Faith not by sight. For what if some did not believe? shall their unbelief make the faith of God without effect? God forbid: yea, let God be true, but every man a liar; as it is written, That thou mightest be justified in thy sayings, and mightest overcome when thou art judged. Romans 3:3-4
If all this is “Greek” to you and you would like to know more about Our Savior, Jesus Christ, and an eternity in Heaven with Him please contact me! I Would love to share Him with you!! For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. John 3:16-17
Jesus has taken great care of us so far and we know that He will continue!! For months we have needed a handicap shower. Bath time is hard. I prayed months ago, and the Lord impressed that He would provide. So we gave it to Him. And guess what, the Sharing J.E.D (Jesus Every Day) Foundation is putting us in a handicap accessible bathroom this Saturday, among other things. This was totally GOD provided! Just like He said He would. I did not ask for this, the precious family over the foundation contacted me!! (Expect a full blog about it in the near future!) After they first came to take measurements of our bathroom and looked at the walls to take out we were just amazed. When they left, Chris held up his board with Ephesians 3:20 wrote on it, Ephesians 3:20-21 says, Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen. I once again want to ask you all to continue to keep sending up prayers to the throne of Christ for Chris and Our Family. I know so many of you are praying for us every single day and we thank you so very much. May God Bless you and yours!!!
Heaven Rocks
As I was pulling off the main dirt road onto the land that has belonged to my family for generations & generations I could not believe that it stll looked the same as it did seventeen years ago when I left it. I was the first Murphy to leave this county since my Great Great Great Grandpa, Sam Murphy settled here in the 1800’s. I could not wait to get out of this south east Arkansas dead zone. I headed off to Brown University on full scholarship for the summer session twenty-two days after my high-school graduation. I have never regretted it. I love my job as a free lance writer and my small New York City apartment is where I feel at home.
I try and visit the family here once or twice a year, usually for Mothers Day and either Thanksgiving or Christmas. But this visit was unexpected. My Granddad, Poppa Joe Murphy, had a heart attack yesterday and died. He was eighty-six years old and still worked this old farm like a twenty year old and he was still preaching a couple Sundays a month. I had told him for years to slow it down, retire, let the younger family members handle it. He would laugh and remind me of our “bargin” as he called it, when I will move back home and run the numbers part of the farm he would retire. Both of us knew the other would never concede on his part.
It was Poppa Joe that encouraged me to go of to school. He said a man had to make his own way. I had a on-campus job and scholarships but expenses were still more than I make at times. It was always then that I would get an letter from Poppa Joe with a few hundred dollar bills in it. It was like he just knew. I never asked him, he just always sent it at just the right time. His letters always ended with a scripture number. So I would have to take down my old Bible from the back of the shelf and see what Poppa Joe was quoting. I think he could quote every verse in the “good book,” as he called it. As for standard education, Poppa Joe, went through the eight grade.
Poppa Joe made my dad, Tim Murphy, take it easier on me than he did on my brothers and cousins. I still had to do my fair share of the detested chores, but if I was reading or studying Poppa said I was working hard enough, let the boy be. Pulling in to Poppa Joe’s & Granny Shirley’s house I could not help but smile at all my nieces, nephews and little cousins playing out in the yard. Sprinkler going and kids running. Over by the fence still set Poppa Joe’s old rusted 54 Ford pick-up. Grass growing under it where the weed eater wouldn’t reach. I don’t remember that truck running in the last twenty years, but yet there it sat.
As I parked my rented SUV by all the other dusty vehicles in the yard up ran Jimmy and enveloped me in a big bear hug. I love all the kids in my family, but I have always had a special bond with Jimmy. He is twelve years old now, my oldest brothers third child. Jimmy is kinda slow mentally. He has never been clinically diagnosed with anything, he just is not as sharp as most kids his age. He enjoys playing with the younger kids other than his cousins and neighbor boys who have girls on their minds. I was glad to see that Jimmy was not by his self sulking over Poppa Joe’s passing. Jimmy has been Poppa Joe’s shadow since he was big enough to walk. He spent more nights with Poppa Joe & Granny Shirley than he did with his parents, especially in the summers. I talked to Jimmy every Tuesday night when I would call Poppa and Granny. Jimmy always had a story to tell, usually involving him and Poppa Joe. When Jimmy released me he was so excited and talking so fast, “Uncle Tommy, Uncle Tommy did you know that Poppa Joe got to go live with Jesus! Did you know? Did you know, Uncle Tommy?” I put my arm around his shoulder and said yes Jimmy, I have herd. Lets go inside now and let me say hello to the rest of the family. I greeted all the kids on my way in with hugs, head rubs and hand shakes depending on their wants. Most southern boys above age ten, stick their hands out, they have outgrown the hugs.
As I entered the kitchen, Granny Shirley, my mom and aunts all started giving out hugs and some wet kisses. I rembered why I started sticking out my hand for hand shakes instead when I was eight.
The kitchen had food everywhere. Casserole dishes and pie plates were stacked three deep in some places. When someone dies in the south the thing to do is send the family food. As big as the Murphy clan is, neighbors had sent plenty. I knew there would be lots of kin-folks and neighbors over after the days work was done to help eat it. The men were gathered in the living room and lots of back slaps commenced.
The next day the arrangements were made for Poppa Joe’s funeral and the next day the plans were carried out. As far as funerals went Poppa Joe’s was pretty good. Not many tears were shed. Everyone who knew Poppa Joe knew what kind of faith he had. I didn’t have that kind of faith. I believe in God, but I gotta do my part. After the funeral there was a huge get together at Granny Shirley’s. I got to see many friends and neighbors I grew up with. Most with a few kids of their own. They all like to tease the city boy. They all seem so content to still be living in the same places and doing the same things. I don’t get it, but good for them.
My Dad and uncles asked if I could stay a while and sort out the farm finances. It was no problem. I can free lance write from anywhere. As I began going through Poppa Joe’s accounting books, more and more did not make sense. It seemed money would just show up. Bank accounts would be about to be over drawn and then there would be thousand dollar deposits and the note would always be the same HR. These deposits did not coincide with the cow sales or the chicken houses which is where most of the farm income came from.
I first went to Granny Shirley and I asked her bout the HR deposits. She started laughing and said son surely you have not forgot your grandpas heaven rocks. Then I remembered. Sometime before Poppa Joe’s family ever settled here apparently an asteroid had hit and made a small crater. It threw small meteorite rocks over 5 square miles. When I was in Jr. high a college professor came out with his class and documented the find. They found a few asteroid rocks and Poppa Joe let them keep them. They sent Poppa Joe a check for $1400 for eight rocks. After that the family started watching for what Poppa Joe called heaven rocks. Poppa Joe would always go out after a good rain and walk the fields and roads looking for his Heaven Rocks. He found a few that we knew of. But that surely was not where all the 100’s of HR deposits came from. Poppa Joe had only found and sold a few meteorite rocks to a man in Dallas as far as Granny Shirley knew of.
The next night we had a family dinner and while all the adults were still in the kitchen after dinner I asked everyone if they knew about the HR deposits. No one knew for certain, but everyone had stories about Grandpa Joe giving them money just when they needed it. Like when Aunt Sue had just had the twins and Samantha needed braces. She could not work because of the 3 kids and Poppa Joe came by and gave her and Uncle Dale all the money they needed to pay off the hospital bills and to pay for Samantha’s braces. Or when Granny Shirley wanted to go on the trip to Ireland with her sister, but the plane tickets alone were over $1,000 and she knew she could not spend that kinds of money. Poppa Joe comes in one afternoon and hands her and envelope that says enjoy your trip and there was $3000 inside. She asked him, Joe where did you get this and he would say the Lord provided! There were stories from everyone on how Grandpa Joe brought them envelopes with the money they needed. They never asked for it, but some how Poppa Joe just knew. He would always tell them that the Lord provides for His children.
The next day I went back into Poppa Joe’s office determined to find out more about the heaven rock money. I did not find in any of the accounting books records of the money he had given the family at various times. I started going through the book shelves, nothing. Then when I moved into the closet in Poppa Joe’s office, book after book on meteorites, and even an EBay for Dummies book. Poppa Joe knew about eBay, I was astonished. Then there was the blue binders. Poppa Joe had recorded all the meteorites he had ever sold. There were 1000’s. Mostly they were sold to the same three people and always for cash. Poppa Joe had found way more meteorites than any of us could of imagined. When I had every thing sorted out I showed it all to the family. It explained so much. Poppa Joe was always so certain that the Lord would provide all that a person needed if they served Him.
Two days before I was to head back to New York it came a hard summer rain overnight. That morning at breakfast Jimmy came in rubber boots and overalls on and he was carrying an old rake that had magnets strapped to it and metal detector. Granny Shirley teared up, as did everyone else. Jimmy always went with Poppa Joe to look for heaven rocks after a rain. Uncle Dale told Jimmy you don’t have to go out looking for Heaven Rocks anymore, Grandpa Joe is already there and has plenty heaven rocks now. I told Jimmy, as soon as I finish eating breakfast I will go with you and look for heaven rocks. Jimmy was ecstatic. He could not wait for me to finish.
I let Jimmy lead, he knew the route. He had been taking these walks with Poppa Joe since he was three. We walked and we walked. Occasionally Jimmy would bend over and pick up a rock, then toss it down. Until he spotted one and he looked at it and looked at it. Then he handed it to me, look Uncle Tommy, it’s a heaven rock. I had looked at Poppa Joes meteorite books and sure enough it looked like the meteorites in the books. That was the only one we found that day, but Jimmy was satisfied and so was I.
As we were walking up the hill I turned toward the house and Jimmy grabbed me and said we gotta put the Heaven Rock in the truck Uncle Tommy. I asked what he meant. Jimmy grabbed my hand and let me over to the old 54 Ford. First he opened the old tool box in the back of the truck, and said, nope to full, then he opened the other side, to full. Then he opened the gas tank and in he tossed the heaven rock. I could not believe it that old truck was full of meteorites. In the floor board, gas tank, and the tool boxes. Poppa Joe had been collecting meteorites for years and tossing them in an old pickup truck. When his family needed the money he would take out what he needed. God had provided.
